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A (Mostly) Stay-at-Home-Mom
Welcome to A (Mostly) Stay-at-Home Mom, where I share insights about finance and family. I'm Charmaine-- a wife, mom, writer and obsessive home baker, and I hit record each week to share about adding to household income as a busy mom.
We'll laugh, we'll cry, we'll discuss strategies for navigating both the home economy and the world economy hand in hand. Braiding each other's hair not included (yet).
Looking for more? I've got a ton of resources, including blog posts to match each of the podcast episodes, on my website: https://bycharmaine.com/
So glad you're here.
A (Mostly) Stay-at-Home-Mom
Nobody Talks About This: The Mental Load of Decision Making and Managing Home Products
Hey there, mamas!
Let's talk about stuff.
Managing household products (aka stuff) and making purchasing decisions creates an invisible mental burden for moms that depletes our energy.
We're wrestling with unprecedented amounts of stuff in our homes while trying to simplify our lives and find systems that work for our families.
In this illuminating and relateable episode, Char details how to finally stay on top of the constantly rolling hamster wheel of consumerism in gentle and sustainable ways. She also details how to make product decisions with more ease and conviction, in hopes of helping other overstimulated moms reduce stress and mental load.
For Char's ultimate list of favorite baby and kids items (only the very best made the list!) check out: https://chocolatefortheteach.com/kids-products/.
Thanks for tuning into A (Mostly) Stay-at-Home-Mom!
Hi there and welcome to another episode of the Mostly Stay-at-Home Mom podcast where we chat about entrepreneurship, mom life and earning a side income as a busy mom. I'm your host, charmaine, and I am so happy you're here. We are now in season two of the podcast and this is the fourth episode, and I decided that for this season a bi-weekly upload schedule would meet our needs as a family the best, so you can tune in about every two weeks for new episodes. So I recently took part in a birth story night and it was so healing and refreshing and by the end of the night the circle of women all around me we just felt like kindred spirits. I was definitely basking in the glow of that wonderful evening all night. It was just so life-giving to be heard and related to on such a personal and deep experience like birth. So I was thinking that's something that I want to achieve on this podcast. I mean not the birth stories, but a similar feeling. Sometimes it feels like I'm just talking to myself on here, but I think there are more of us than I realize, more moms that would relate to what I'm saying. Moms who love being moms but also feel stretched and overwhelmed at times. Moms who want to place the priority of their families and their households, but they're also looking for ways to supplement their income. They're looking for ways to add in some things into their already busy life that's sustainable and fits their family needs. So if you find yourself in this weird and wonderful stage that holds so many paradoxes, welcome. This is why I hit record. So now on to the show.
Speaker 1:Now on to today's episode, which called nobody talks about this managing products and decision making in the home. Today's topic may be unexpected managing household products, making decisions for your family. These may seem inconsequential, like a blip on your radar, but if you're a homemaker, these tasks are in your life daily. You might even be overwhelmed with this part of running a home. I know I can be, just because the labor associated with these tasks is not tangible. It's often invisible doesn't mean it doesn't cost us energy and time in significant ways.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about it. Let's start with products. Maybe you are aware, maybe you aren't aware of how much products are infiltrating your homes. Let's start with the size of the home, for instance. That has increased so much since even the 1950s. In the 1960s, the average home size was 1,500 square feet and by 2022,. One statistic I found online from the Census Bureau says that the average home was 2,300 square feet, so we've gained almost 1,000 square feet since the 1960s and not to mention, we're living with less people. Our families are smaller, and that tells me that we're living in bigger and bigger places. The other statistic that I was looking at is how many storage units we own in America. One statistic I read said that one in every five Americans rents a storage unit, which is pretty crazy, and that there are 23 million storage units being rented out. So not only do people have bigger and bigger homes, but they are saying they don't have enough storage in their home and they need to rent a separate unit for containing all of that stuff. We have a dizzying amount of products here in the US and they're all things that we have to manage.
Speaker 1:You know shows like Hoarders, Storage Wars. It really points to this kind of maybe American or Western problem of hoarding too much stuff. Not to mention, women and moms often report feeling stressed out by messes, by clutter, by being overstimulated by their environments. It stresses us out, it raises our cortisol. I think at least some of us are aware of this growing problem. There seems to be a widespread interest in better controlling the flow of stuff that enters our homes, like decluttering and minimalism.
Speaker 1:I actually have a little bit of an obsession with watching decluttering shows, for instance, like the Home Edit and Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo. I have read all of their books and watched their TV specials. That's how much I like just learning about decluttering. It's crazy, but I feel like there's always more for me to learn in this area. I don't know it's crazy, but as a mom of little children, I often feel in survival mode. I've heard that from other moms.
Speaker 1:We really really have to focus on simplifying our life down to the basics. I found at this life stage that my tolerance for extra stuff is shrinking down to nothing. I find that when you have very little margin in your life, you don't want that space occupied by just anything, if that makes sense, or you don't want that time taken up by just anything. I have no more interest in alphabetizing my spice cabinet, for instance, in this life stage, because I can't, you know, take the time to do that. It's not a priority right. So what is our problem here? Even with all of the pop culture, interest and decluttering and simplifying, we really have little to show for it.
Speaker 1:American families are juggling all of these products at one time, just so much, and this is so off the charts from the historical norm. Why are we juggling thousands of products in our homes? Is it because of Amazon? Is it because of, you know, target vehicle pickup? Well, I have two theories.
Speaker 1:Number one stuff has never been easier to acquire. And, yes, amazon and all of the drive-thru pickups definitely help us acquire things easier. But you know, our country is scattered with way more shopping centers and Amazon warehouses than we would ever need. And yet gone are the cobbler and the watch repairer. You know, these artisans have vanished from our economic landscape pretty much, and why? Because our economic system is one in which it's cheaper to simply buy a new good, often made overseas, than pay someone local to repair that good. Consumer goods are cheaper than ever. So while our grandmothers may have saved up for six months for a new dress, we can buy three at the click of a button and it's delivered to our doorstep. Stuff has never been easier to get. So we accumulate rapidly and then we keep spinning in this consumption cycle that's constantly churning and we wonder why it's so hard to stay on top of it. That's part of the reason.
Speaker 1:So it's not nothing, you're not crazy. Don't gaslight yourself into thinking that you know a little bit of clutter or things don't affect you when they do. It takes time, it takes energy, it takes money. All of these things are a cost, even all the time and energy it takes to select products, to prepare them, you know, to store them, to clean them, to manage and maintain them. This is the true cost of taking something into your home. And if you don't go shopping a lot or you don't take in a lot of physical things, let me remind you that we can expand the definition of products a bit.
Speaker 1:When I was in college, I started working for a frozen yogurt shop. Yes, my college years were the heyday of fro-yo and it was really exciting times, I guess. So I was one of the first hires for this frozen yogurt shop and they asked me to do my training in the neighboring city and so for some reason I went and I trained under this knowledgeable expert other worker who had worked at that shop longer, and she was very, very meticulous, very proud in her position and she did a great job training me. But I just remember kind of being surprised by she kept using the word product, product, product for everything. And you know we're preparing all the toppings. You know those frozen yogurt shops come with you know at least 20 different topping options and you have to prepare them all in the little pans for people to get and potentially put on their frozen yogurt. You know she kept saying that these toppings were products. The Oreos that we took out of the sleeve and placed in little containers were product. It wasn't Oreos, it was product. Or you know the Kit Kat bars she would call them product. I'm like no, it's just a Kit Kat bar.
Speaker 1:But I think in that business setting you have to just view it all as product. And so in the same way, in our homes we should probably view anything that takes up our time, energy, space, you know, bandwidth to be products. So that could mean things in your schedule, that could mean the information you're taking in. If we view all of those things as products and not just the physical things, I think we can be more aware of what we're coming up against and how we can best manage this flow, this flow of items, this flow of information, because sometimes it gets overwhelming and I just wanted to remind you that it could also not just be the physical products, but the information or the time commitments that things are committing to that might be overwhelming.
Speaker 1:So, to summarize, stuff has never been easier to get our hands on. We accept free stuff, we steal bargains, you know, we think it's a great thing to get in on a bargain, we have sentimental items, we have items that are passed down to us, etc. And before we know it we're drowning in a sea of our own modeled creation. The maintenance of this stuff, and sometimes just the sheer sight of it, all contributes to our mental load as homemakers. This leads me to finally grasp the less is more concept To lighten our mental loads. We generally can take control of our stuff. It starts with simply being mindful of anything we take into our homes minds and schedules, decluttering, cleaning, house systematizing, until one day, staff management doesn't overpower our share of responsibilities, it just sits. Management doesn't overpower our share of responsibilities, it just sits nicely and appropriately sized in its designated corner. I'm trying for the less is more concept. But and this brings me to the second reason why I think we have such a stuff problem is it's hard to let go of the stuff and most things have emotional attachment.
Speaker 1:Let me explain While watching and reading Marie Kondo in action. She teaches people how to tidy and she's very good at what she does, but I get the impression that she believes that items carry a spirit, like she thanks the item, like talking to the item before discarding it if it was a meaningful item. She likes to thank it just for the value it's given to her or the person and then they let it go. So well. I think most Americans would probably say that physical things don't have spirits. I guess inanimate objects don't have spirits. I think the way we view things could be more spiritual than we realize.
Speaker 1:Items carry nostalgia and sentimental value. They carry complicated memories from the past. Items can also carry our feelings and our dreams for the future, hope or idealism. You know that workout equipment that we want to get to one day when we work out, or those craft supplies sitting there waiting for us to finish the project, those clothes we want to fit into. All of these items we just we hold on to them because of one day when we want to use those things and we we dream about this person will be so. In this way, things often carry our dreams and plus there's like an entire generation of us that was heavily influenced by the toy story movies. So there's another added layer to this.
Speaker 1:But things carry so much emotional weight with them, it's no wonder we have a hard time letting go. But let go we must, unless we want to bury ourselves in an avalanche of material goods and immaterial. But whether it's taking Marie Kondo's method and thinking the items and then donating or, you know, throwing them away or using some other methods, we simply have to try so, because things are so easily obtained and hard to let go of, often because of emotional reasons, we can easily let all of this stuff overwhelm us Before we know it. We are overstimulated, constantly managing this clutter of life and wondering why stay-at-home momhood is so hard. Maybe you're not a bad mom for being overstimulated and touched out at times. Maybe you just need to clear some space and to clear your mind.
Speaker 1:I highly recommend learning about simplifying, decluttering and making it a regular part of your life Because unfortunately, as we all know, after you clean one room, it doesn't stay that way. You know, there's the natural state of entropy that our world is in, like the room will get messy again and that's fine, or the house will get messy again. But there are ways to maintain. There are ways to stay on top of the tidying If we work on it and most of the decluttering people that I've listened to and learned from say it all starts with getting less stuff. Staying on top of cleaning and tidying your home starts with paring down to the essentials of what you need. If you need recommendations for decluttering teachers or influencers, I would suggest the Home Edit. I loved the Home Edit with Joanna and Clea and obviously Marie Kondo she is great at what she does. Also the podcast by Lisa Bass at Simple Farmhouse Life. She talks about other topics, of course, having to do with more homestead and homemaking skills, but she talks a lot about simplifying and decluttering. So give those people a look, a follow, see what you can learn if you're interested in this.
Speaker 1:But even once you declutter and you find a good system for maintaining your home, there is still the part of choosing which products to let in your home. It's unlikely that you'll just decide what you need for life and then you never purchase another item again. Even when we grocery shop, we might pick 50 different items in one fell swoop. So how are we being intentional with the items that we allow in our home? I think it first starts with thinking ahead of time what are your values when buying products, and just putting that intentionality into your buying process can help a lot. I know I've experienced buyer's remorse. I've experienced regretting things, you know just buying things too quickly without really thinking about it, and I try not to do that too much. I try to approach each of my purchases with intentionality, although sometimes decisions need to be made really quickly. You know you only have a short amount of time at the store and I definitely understand that we make so many decisions each and every day. We make a lot of purchasing decisions daily, weekly, monthly, and so, you know, just give yourself grace if not every decision is perfect. But I think it's a good time to start thinking about what are your underlying values.
Speaker 1:Be the gatekeeper of the things in your home. Gatekeep all of the things in your home, because maybe your children don't have experience quite yet in managing their items and you can teach them how. But it starts with having a manageable amount of items. So even when making quick choices for products, I like to use three major considerations and I call it my decision-making matrix. So, basically, when I make a decision for any product that I allow in my home, I am basing it on one of three factors, three or four. Number one, the affordability, or frugality. Number two, the health and I would add in, like, sustainability to this, but sometimes they're not the same thing. And then three, the fun, the enjoyment, the bliss of it.
Speaker 1:So, for example, if I'm trying to pick ingredients for a dinner that I'm planning organic ingredients for a dinner that I'm planning Do I want to buy my ingredients with health in mind first, as a priority? Sometimes not always, sometimes you have to sacrifice the health for the affordability right, and I do this all the time. I switch between the two. Sometimes I will buy the very best organic version of a certain food and then other times I will buy the very best organic version of a certain food and then other times I will buy the non-organic version of that ingredient because I might need to spend less, right? Or let's bring in the fun factor.
Speaker 1:Maybe there's something that isn't, you know, the most healthy or the most affordable, but it's been a while since we had X dish and it would just be so enjoyable, right? For instance, my husband just revealed that he like loves tater tots. So tater tots are neither that cheap nor are they that healthy, but because they are a favorite food of his, I will occasionally buy them. Because you know that's important to me, that I can just give people in my family simple joys like that from time to time. And obviously I have these three decision making factors all working or competing at all times, so I'm not basing all my decisions on what is the most fun or enjoyable, right, then we wouldn't eat things like vegetables.
Speaker 1:Like I said, these three interests are often competing or vying, or sometimes I have two of them and not the other. It just depends and there really is no formula. There's no taking turns. It's not like one week I'm like, all right, we're focused on health, and the next we're focused on our budget. It just. It is very random, but at least I know at the basis of it that the three things I base my decisions on are health, affordability and whether I want that thing or someone in the family wants that thing for our own fun or pleasure. If that helps you, you can totally use this decision-making matrix. You don't have to use the same words, but I think a lot of us evaluate items based on these factors.
Speaker 1:Anyway, I know it can get overwhelming, especially when you first become a parent and you might make a baby registry, you might have a baby shower, you might have friends and family offering to buy you things for that baby and honestly, it can be such a blessing Like there are so many products that we have in our home that have truly helped us with raising our babies and I'm so thankful for them. But there are other things that I'm like we could have done without that. Or, you know, it wasn't as useful as I thought it would be, or it makes so much more work it's more trouble than it was worth. It's kind of a mixed bag, but you definitely get a feel for that after your first child and then when the second comes, you have a better, clearer vision of what things you need, if any. Better, clearer vision of what things you need, if any, for that new addition. And so you learn, you live and you learn.
Speaker 1:Of course, I found out that I'm the type of person where we don't have a lot of storage space, and so I love multi-purpose things. If I can find one thing to buy with multiple purposes, then I'm going to try that, for instance. We use a lot of mason jars in this household. I use it for storing any number of foods, but I also like to use mason jars for canning and making jams, for instance. But then I found like these stretchy silicone, like sippy tops that fit over mason jars. It's like stretching a shower cap over the mason jar and you can turn any mason jar into a toddler drink using that stretchy sippy top. So, anyways, that's an example of things Like the top would be a single use item, but it allows the mason jar to be fit for this other use. That's not jams or jellies or storing food. It's becoming a toddler drink cup. That's just one instance and not everything you can have be multi-purpose. I totally get that, but there are some things like that. So we definitely have learned now with having two kids what items are tried and true products in our family that really help us and benefit us.
Speaker 1:Wrote on my teaching blog, chocolate for the Teach, and it's all about our favorite tried and true baby and kids products. Some are Amazon links and some are not affiliated with Amazon. I just wanted to put all of our best, most valuable items on there, whether you know, whatever source they're from. For anyone who's curious. You know there are solid purchases Like I don't know. We're huge fans of the Burt's Bees baby clothing. They're organic, they fit well. I just I love them. We're fans of the Boppy nursing pillow around these parts. I know there's people who like the my Best Friend or my Best Friend pillow, but we're boppy nursing pillow around these parts. I know there's people who like the my Best Friend or my Best Friend pillow, but we're boppy people. There's so many products I could list. You know.
Speaker 1:Crocs for Crocs, let me tell you they changed my life. I never thought I would be buying Crocs. Just by the appearance of them did not really appeal to me. But when I tell you they're the perfect toddler shoe, they're like, indestructible, they're good for multiple scenarios and settings, and toddlers can be taught mostly how to put on their Crocs themselves and so on their crocks themselves. And so, man do. I love crocks Anyways. So that's an example of you know, someone who's learned from experience what works and what doesn't. It is my personal experience. You might not agree, but if you're interested you can head to that article. It is on wwwchocolatefortheteachcom slash kids hyphen products. So after the website name, just type in kids hyphen products, and it will send you there.
Speaker 1:And I know it gets complicated when you hear from content creators and influencers recommending products, and it can get muddled or muddied. If you're wondering if they truly stand behind a product or they're just trying to gain a commission, I get that and that's why it's complicated this system for information we have. Basically, though, for content creators to support themselves, they either need to garner some independent support, like people patronize their work independently, or people buy their products that they create or the next model would be to somehow advertise for companies or affiliate with companies, and so you'll see a lot of content creators putting in affiliate links and then, when a person makes a purchase through that link, they get a commission. And so, yes, it can be hard navigating this crazy information overload system where people are recommending products left and right. You're not sure if they truly stand behind the product or if they just want the commission. I get that it can be tough navigating that, but really, when you think of it, this model allows the content creator to keep producing content, because creating content and producing it and packaging it and putting it out for an audience is not free.
Speaker 1:There are many costs involved. You can start with the basics and I do the very basics for this podcast, but there are still costs involved, and so content creators might be trying to make up. You know solely the cost of running their I guess business side, hustle, hobby, or you know if they get more than that and turn it into a job, into an income? That's good for some creators too. So all of that to say, I would also recommend, even though I am a content creator, being semi-skeptical when you approach these lists of products from people. It's a double-edged sword. Supporting that creator helps them to create more content, but you sometimes don't really know how, if that creator is really genuinely supportive of that product or not. So I definitely get it.
Speaker 1:It's wading through a whole mess and as part of the mental load of running a home is deciding which products. But I hope you find the list that I assembled on that blog post helpful and I can tell you it's truly products that worked for us, for our babies, for kids. There's even some things for pregnancy and postpartum that I really enjoyed, and those are all things that I stand behind totally. And if I ever, you know, hear of a company changing their recipe or their the material that they make things with. Like if Burt's Bees Organics somehow didn't make their clothing with organic cotton, that would cause me to change my mind on the product and I would have to amend that blog post. So something to think about.
Speaker 1:But yeah, those are our absolute favorites and I hope this list blesses someone and kind of takes that mental load off of you, whether you're preparing to start your family or you're adding a new addition, or you know you have your kids and you're looking into that next stage and maybe ready to buy your toddler some Crocs, I don't know. I hope it was helpful. I hope this podcast is helpful. Thank you so much for tuning in every two weeks for this second season and if you enjoyed it, please share it with a friend, please share it on social media. And, of course, reviewing the podcast really helps too. You can go on Spotify and Apple Podcasts and leave a review, and you can also email me your topic ideas, your questions. You can find me at mostlyhomemom at gmailcom, and I would love to see you in the next one.
